The Art of Getting Unstuck

There are times when situations, circumstances, or people may put us in a precarious position and all we do then is to remain static. There's nothing at all that we achieve by remaining where we are. The nature of life is growth and progression and if we stop evolving, we are doomed and only land up in an abyss.

Think no harder, there's a simple way to avoid landing in such a scenario.

Moving from a STUCK state to an UNSTUCK one is just about a few MOVEs. 

Whenever we find ourselves stuck, the following are the possible MOVEs that we can make to get UNSTUCK

• Move ON - When past hurts or regrets haunt us and we feel trapped, it's time to move on from them for our own sake. The past is only as good as a lesson we need to learn to improve our present and future. The more we are stuck with the past, the more damage we will do to our dreams and goals. 

• Move AWAY - When we seem, even a bit in control of things, then pulling ourselves away from things keeping us stuck in life, is a good move. Detaching from things and situations that are harmful to our growth in life is a good way to make the best of our lives.

• Move AHEAD - Comfort Zone is a killer if you stay in it for too long. Falling trap to this make-believe is like compromising on our dreams and risking us to remain mediocre. We are here to make the most of our innate potential, most of which may be lying dormant. Every small step forward aids in that.

• Move WITHIN - When things get too overwhelming for us to handle, it may result in action paralysis and leave us stuck. Our inability to progress for want of positive action necessitates that we move to a peaceful place within to calm our nerves and restore our creative energy.

These simple MOVEs could be our savior every time we feel stuck in life. So, getting unstuck is as simple as deciding about the right MOVE to take! 

Make Self-Care A Priority

Have we felt as strongly for Self-Care as we feel now ?

Maybe NO, because the present times are drastically different from any other and the crisis of this magnitude is a "first" for many of us. Till now, we could afford to ignore the need for self-care, even with a lame excuse and get away with it. But now is the time to give due importance to self-care and put it on priority else coping with the situation will become impossible for us. Ignoring self-care will only leave us more vulnerable and lead to anxiety, depression, and various other debilitating emotions/ feelings.

The turn of events during these unpredictable times may leave us overwhelmed and lead to losing focus on "self" but a quick reminder to ourselves that self-care is the only way to beat the blues could set us up to put self-care back on our radar and get going.

It's very important to understand that self-care is a comprehensive and holistic approach to wellness and includes physical, mental and emotional aspects of our personality.

The trick to effective self-care lies in making it an integral part of our lifestyle and mentioned below are few tips that could help us achieve the same.

Keep Things Simple

At times like these (crisis), the intention should be to avoid complicating the things so that they don't overwhelm us. The more manageable things are for us, the more we are in control of ourselves. We can always keep things simple by

• living in the present because that's where it's all happening. moving beyond the present, into the times which hasn't arrived brings undue stress. all the action happens in the present and that's why it's important to stay there, in the present.

• taking things as they unfold - pre-empting things doesn't work out in these situations where uncertainty and unpredictability rule the roost. being patient is the key, so wait and watch how things shape up and then prepare ourselves accordingly. acting in haste is a complete waste in this scenario.

• focusing on what we can control, even if it's a tiny thing/ task/ action - it's good to have an opinion but being obsessed with it (opinion) if we can't change the facts is waste of energy. there are always going to be things falling outside our scope of control so it makes more sense to expend our energy and effort on things under our control and it could be the crucial task of managing our reaction to a bad/ unfavourable event. 

• attempting one thing at a time - multitasking is a myth but at times like these when we feel overwhelmed, we attempt to do too many things at the same time. this results in us losing focus and patience and we end up with multiple incomplete tasks. the best approach to avoid undue stress and pressure at this time is to prioritise things and do them one at a time. 

Go Easy On Self

It's natural human reaction to try our best to address the challenges effectively and at the earliest to avoid any major damage to self. But in our attempt to do so, we, knowingly or unknowingly, put ourselves under extreme pressure to do the right things and to do it in time. These self-imposed deadlines/ timelines could result in a biased mindset and we may end up being irrational in our decision-making. Remember, self-care is about being kind to our self, so let's try and be our best ally. Few ways that could help us go easy on ourself are

• stopping judging ourself - with plenty of negative influences around us, we may get into the habit of labeling ourselves. playing neutral ensures we stay sane and in control of things

• avoiding overthinking - The 2 most harmful thinking errors that we may get prone to during crisis are 1) playing victim, where we may start assuming to have been singled out to suffer, and 2) catastrophizing, where we tend to magnify the situation and get obsessed with the worst possibility.

• limiting media exposure - during times of crisis, media is bound to be filled with more news and stories about loss, despair and sadness. It's wise to avoid too much exposure to media of any form (electronic news media or social media). limiting our media exposure to gaining update on the situation and on watching news/  stories about hope and courage will be helpful. consuming only that content which keeps your spirits up is the best use of our time spent on media.

• dropping all expectations - when times are unsure, there's no point in building expectations of any sort from anyone, neither from self nor from others. the only expectation that may come true is the dawn of a new order and we can never be prepared in advance to build anticipation for this unknown and unseen entity. there's merit in having zero expectations and living more realistically. 

Seek Progress

It's very important that when we encounter any calamity in life, we try to maintain the forward momentum. Life is all about moving ahead, even if that happens by way of small, tiny steps. It may happen that life may come to a complete standstill and may not offer us any hope for future but if we proceed with an intent to keep moving ahead in some way, we will keep progressing. Here are few ways we can seek progress even during tough times

• looking for possibilities - among the plethora of problems that may come our way during crisis, keeping an eye for the silver lining or the bright spot is the only way to stay positive. "what is it that is still a possibility" could become the new mantra for us.

• identifying opportunities - the paradigm shift that occurs may close many previous doors but surely opens up many new ones. all that we need to do is to move out of our comfort zone and look around with fresh perspective.

• watching our self talk - words have great power and during times of difficulty, we rely a lot on our inner voice. ensure that what we tell ourselves uplifts us and gives us strength and hope. be watchful about the conversation with self as the self-talk has a direct impact on our self-esteem.

• doing what gives us strength - Vulnerability is at its peak during this time of uncertainty and the best we can do for ourselves is to pick up an activity/ hobby/ passion that makes us calm and provide us with strength to deal with the difficult times with ease.

Self-Care isn't just about being good to ourselves but also about being a contributor of optimism and hope for others too, especially when everyone needs them (optimism and hope) in abundance !

When "MORE" Makes Life Better !

 

Doesn't it sound ironical to talk about "more" as a means of bettering our lives especially when so many of us seem obsessed with incorporating "less" in our lives for the purpose. Whether it's implementing the concept/ philosophy of de-cluttering, minimalism or essentialism, the quest to "live with less" never seems to end. Many of us are always on a spree to do away with our possessions in a bid to "live better and more meaningfully" through surviving with bare, minimum life essentials.

To many of us, talking about "more" as a means of achieving a better life (in many ways) may sound contrary to the above and we may start to wonder about the possibility of it ! The catch here is the context we put for "MORE" - as long as we perceive "more" in terms of "extra" or "add-on", we may always be in astonishment, but the moment we change the frame of reference to "incorporating the essential" in our life, "More" starts to make better sense and things become much clear. Here, in this post i share about five such ways when "more" brings fulfillment and success and makes our lives much better vis-a-vis "less". Let's look at them 

Living more REAL and Less Digital 

The amount of life we live in the virtual world is so much more than in actual. The social media, social networks has permeated our lives so much that it has blurred the distinction between real and fake. We always seem to be living our "alter ego" in the digital world and have almost forgotten what it is to live our "real" self. The time calls for being more real than digital to remain the "homo sapiens", the species that we, humans, belong to. The biggest danger of living "digital" is the eroding away of basic elements like emotions, feelings and rationality that sets us apart from the rest of the species. Living more REAL will not only help rekindle the lost spirit of brotherhood, but also prevent the pretense of superiority or parity which is not required and help us be more respectful of others' identity and needs. The moment we drift away from the "real" is when we start to see a dip in our esteem, efficacy and confidence. So, let's not compromise on living a fulfilling life and start live Real.     

  

Living more in PRESENT than in Future

We live in a fast paced competitive world and majority of the time we are focused on securing our future. We go all out to accumulate as much as we can, thinking that this will make our lives better in future (a myth, though !). We do not give sufficient importance to the existing moments and let go of all the beauty and pleasures contained in the current moments by allowing the life go by us. All this happens, primarily, because we tend to view life in limited dimensions (like wealth and professional growth) and so keep working towards improving these specific dimensions of our life at the cost of the rest of the dimensions like self, family, health, etc. This ultimately leads to a state of imbalance and our hopes of a better life in future get quashed in no time. When we start giving importance to the present, we, not only, start noticing and feeling the little pleasures of life but also start living life lot better. So, let's live in the Present and bring balance in our life.   

Saying more NO and less Yes

However positive and affirming "Yes" may sound but making it a philosophy of life leads to lot of dissatisfaction in life. We need to realise that every "Yes" eats into our resources of time, effort, attention, money, etc. For reasons obvious and not-so obvious, we may say yes to things, people and situations but that doesn't guarantee success always and later we may regret saying yes to so much. If we can remember that everything is not worth our time, attention and effort then we can start saying NO more comfortably. The best thing about saying NO is that we take a positive and progressive step towards a better life by avoiding taking too much, which most of the times is beyond our capacity and interest. So, let's get judicious in our choices/ decisions and say NO when doing so make our lives clutter-free and better.     

Doing more MONO and less Multi

When "Survival of the Fittest" becomes the sole mantra to live by and busyness takes preference over productivity; when being competitive is not good enough and one starts to outdo others by way of becoming better, smarter and/ or faster than multi-tasking seems to become the norm. Engaging ourselves in plenty, much more than we can handle, gives the feeling of doing more. We try to ape the supercomputer which has in-built capability for parallel processing, but forget that as humans, we possess only single processing capability. For us to focus on multiple tasks together is impossible and how much we may say we are multi-tasking, it's actually mono-tasking that we still do. The reason being, that at any point, humans can just focus on a single thing. The biggest advantage of mono-tasking is that we can focus well and pay undivided attention to the task at hand. On the other hand, in multi-tasking, not only we become more unproductive as a result of many unfinished tasks, but we also tend to spend more time shifting among the multiple tasks and taking longer to restart on the previous tasks (proven by research). So, let's make our lives better by doing things one at a time.  

(Related Article: BUSYNESS - The Utopian Paradox )

Connecting more INTERNALLY and less Externally

With all the attractions and distractions contained in the world around us, it's easy to get swayed by what strike our senses and fall prey to the "pull factor" syndrome, where we just get led by things. This results in ending up operate our lives with an "outside-in" approach, where the control of our life gets passed onto things external and we lose grip on our life. This tendency of going along with the flow of  VUCA (Volatile, Uncertain, Complex, Ambiguous) environment is not conducive to our growth and development and can be addressed by altering the orientation of our approach to life by making it an "inside-out" approach. During these times, when we are struggling to be authentic and credible, connecting more within gives us access to that inner wisdom that equips us with powers of creativity and intuition, that helps us stand tall during times of adversity. So, if we keep visiting our inner guide, we will end up discovering our best ally.  

(Related Article : Playing Buddha At Work)

Here's ending with a wonderful quote that nicely sums up the entire post 

"Aspire not to have more, but to be more" 

                                                - Oscar Romero

Note : the images in the above post have been sourced from the internet

When Life Hits An Impasse !

source: www.goodtherapy.org

When our life is brought to a screeching halt and we are thrown in a tizzy, all we wonder is "What now?" . What had so far been a smooth cruise now appears to be a tricky and bumpy ride. Looking further ahead, we see our life engulfed in a cloud of confusion and chaos. This is when the reality hits us that our life has hit an impasse !

The "cul-de-sac" that stares at us in our face and leave us completely blank is in fact a manifestation of our ill-conceived goals and ill-directed actions. Now, when all our goals seem out of sight no clarity of direction, the only way forward is to do course correction.

Hitting a dead-end in life is not the end of the road for us. A little bit of self-probing and self-reflection could help us get our life back on track again. This is the right time to dig deep and identify what's holding us back.

The following could help us explore the root cause:

• Do i feel motivated (at this moment) to pursue the goal ?
• Am i pursuing my existing goals of my own free will ?
• Do i feel overwhelmed/ underwhelmed with my goal(s) ?
• Do i need to rework on my goals - maybe establish a different goal altogether or rework on the existing one ?
• Do i need to establish few mini-goals that will help me be motivated ?
• Are my action items in place ?
• Have i set my priorities right ?
• Have i built the necessary discipline in my daily routine for the tasks that needs to be executed? 
• Have i built a closure (timeline/ deadline) for the tasks identified by me? 
• Have i identified all the available options ?
• Do i have a mechanism in place for feedback ?

Pondering over the above questions could help us pin point where exactly the problem lies - whether in our goals, action items or time. Once the root cause is identified then its not difficult to do the necessary course correction and go beyond the impasse !

Activate the GPS of your Life now !

In this world where we constantly strive to reach somewhere all the time, can we imagine using our smartphones with the GPS (Global Positioning System) turned off ? Wouldn't that put us out of balance, out of focus and leave us in a state of commotion ?

The VUCA (Volatile, Uncertain, Complex and Ambiguous) world that we live in expects us to be always connected with everything around us so that we are in sync with the changing world, if we need to keep pace with the things. Our digital existence and ultra reliance on technology is made possible because of GPS acting as our guidance system and helping us to reach where we intend to. And if the GPS turned on, there is very little possibility of us losing our way or failing to reach our desired destination.

But how about our life ? Do we always reach where we intend to ? Do we always find our way when we get lost ? The fact is that, life always presents us with moments that may make us feel overwhelmed, lost, confused or completely clueless about ourselves. A cloud of obscurity engulfs our goals and destination and we just wander through life aimlessly, without a definite purpose. It is during these moments only that we need to take stock of things and not let life pass by us with just a whimper.

Wouldn't it help immensely to have a GPS for Life that could start from where we are and then guide us to where we intend to go ! Further, what should this particular GPS (of our Life) comprise of to help us move beyond the crossroads that we find ourselves staring at many a times in our life. The expectation from this GPS is simple - to lead us into light where we have a clarity of purpose, direction and action. A timely activation of this GPS could then provide the control back in our hands. So, building a GPS that acts as a guidance system for our life need to possess the following three key elements

• G for GOALS - Moving ahead in life is all about gaining clarity of destination and direction and well established goals play a pivotal role in brining this clarity. Goals aligned with our passion breeds purpose in our existence and builds in us the needed inspiration and motivation to achieve our goals.

• P for PROBLEMS - Anticipating problems that we may encounter on path to our goals helps us adopt a proactive approach. It prompts us to do a self-analysis in terms of the resources we currently possess and also those we may require in future to be able to solve the problems that may act as barriers enroute our goals. These resources refer to the appropriate skills and competencies relevant to the context.

• S for SOLUTIONS - This component is all about displaying a positive and progressive mindset. When the going is tough or when we feel overwhelmed with the goal/ situation, all we need to do is to keep going. Focusing on solutions will keep us motivated to take small steps which will take us closer to our goals. 
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So, wherever you find yourself at this point in time, just activate the GPS (Goals-Problems-Solutions) of life and reach where you always yearned to !

Have You Found Yourself Yet ?

It's so easy to lose ourself in the rigmarole of living life in the fast lane. Riding high and fast on the superhighways of information and communication we eventually find ourselves at crossroads. It's only when we get confronted with anxiety, confusion, exhaustion and stress we realize that we stand stranded in this maze of uncertainty and chaos. Every alley in this maze appears a mystery and whatever alley we take leads to hinterland, a place bereft of the ambitions and dreams that we wanted for our lives. We find ourselves participating in this mad rat-race where everyone is trying to outdo others and reaching for goals they never really set out for themselves. 

Sitting in the "nowhere land" and pursuing and engaged in meaningless misdirected pursuits, we appear clueless about our goals and dreams. Lost amidst the inner and outer cacophony, 

we ask ourselves ""How do I Find Myself Now ?" 

This act of asking ourself the above question triggers the process of "finding ourself" facilitated through more self-interrogation and introspection. This leads us to the realization that to find our true self, we firstly need to address the  root system of our lives, i.e. the building blocks that hold the key to our life-long success. These building blocks build shape our personality by providing direction to us and helping us identify a meaningful reason for our existence and survival. These building blocks stand same for all of us and all we need to do it to provide them our context 

So, before we find ourself lost in life, let's try to build clarity in life by strengthening the following key building blocks of our life:

• Passion : This determines our orientation in life in terms of what excites us most, what makes us enthusiastic, what our hearts beat for. The passion is our preferred choice in life. Identifying the passion sets the tone for living a satisfying and happy life. Asking ourself the question "What thing/ task gives me immersed and gives me immense joy and happiness while performing it?"

• Purpose : This refers to the sole reason for our existence and gives a clarity about where would we like to contribute. The purpose ensures we are making a difference in the way we envisaged for our life. The best way to determine Purpose is to ask ourself the following question - "What am i living for ?"

• Mission : This is the most critical of the building blocks as it is the core around which our lives revolve. Mission refers to the guiding principles that we define for living our life. At any point in our life, we adhere to these principles while taking any action or decision. Mission is like the "nucleus" of our life. It's worthwhile to spend a good amount of time in defining the right "mission" for ourself. Our "Personal Mission Statement" acts like a compass in our life and keeps us on track always. Asking ourself "What set of statements/ principles would act as my reference point and guide me at every stage of my life ?" will help us define our personal mission better.

• Goal(s) : These act as milestones in our life and act as key motivation to grow, evolve and achieve more in life. They give shape to our dreams and desires. The following few considerations would help the goals be more effective

• Goals should align with our passion and purpose
• Goals should be specific and shouldn't be too easy or too difficult. If it is too easy then it won't provide us with challenge enough and if it is too difficult, then we may get overwhelmed by it.
• The focus should be on goal-setting and goal-getting both because without taking any action, goals may just remain unfulfilled dreams.

 Remember the below mantra 

Building such a robust life so that we never get lost in life is all about getting the above four building blocks right 

RAS - The Genie Inside Us !

Is there a way to turn all our dreams into reality?

Possibly yes, but only when we

• get hold of a magic wand and "ABRACADABRA" our way to success

                                             OR

• call to our service Aladdin's Genie

The possibility of us finding a magic wand or Alladin’s lamp is next to impossible but lo, there exist a genie inside each one of us which when invoked has the power to transform all our dreams into reality and put us on path to goal accomplishment.        

This genie is very much an integral part of our physical self, our identity and is known as RAS (Reticular Activating System). Remember the coincidences that appear in our life and leave us in wonderment when what we seek appears all around us (whether it’s a new car we have been longing for or  a new holiday destination we have been exploring or anything else that is being sought by us). For a moment, it appears as if some supernatural power is at play but in real all that’s happening around us is a manifestation of the genie called RAS. Rather than rubbing of the lamp, this genie (RAS) just needs to be fed with our goals, things we intend to achieve in life.

RAS (Reticular Activating System) is a network of neurons located in the brain stem. It connects with other parts of the brain and to the spinal cord. In addition to being responsible for sleep, wakefulness and breathing, RAS is also responsible for many other functions like eating, elimination of boy waste and bringing things to our attention. Every moment, our brain is  bombarded with million of bits of information but only few thousand gets processed by it and what should get processed is determined by RAS.   

RAS  acts as a point of confluence where all our thoughts, feelings, beliefs, value and external influences meet. Based on what is fed by us in our conscious mind (in the form of goals), RAS filters the incoming sensory inputs (except smell which goes directly into brain’s emotional area) and sends to the subconscious mind only the information that aligns with our goals and focus. This is how coincidences occur with us as our subconscious start seeking in the environment what we have established as intent in our conscious mind.

So, to invoke the genie inside us so that it fulfills all our dreams, all we need to do is to establish goals effectively by writing them down. It’s only when the genie(RAS) sees the real intent in our goals that it starts weaving it’s magic in our life ! 

Are You Living A "Subset of Life"?

If accomplishing Money, Fame and Power defines our success in life then why is it so that many of us still feel a certain hollowness/ vacuum inside us; a hollowness that prods us to reflect on self and

then ask many probing questions such as

" Is my life turning into a blob?"

"Why am i not satisfied with my life?"

"Why do i feel a body-mind-soul disconnect?"

"Why do i still desire more of what i already have (money, power)"?

"Why does internal happiness still elude me?"

"What is missing in my life?"

We may think we are treading a path and moving towards a destination but it's actually a directionless pursuit leading to a land of obsession and desire. All this self brooding converge towards a serious food for thought which is

"Am I living a subset of life?"

"Why don't all my accomplishments in life (money, fame and power) provide me with real joy, peace or satisfaction and merely add up (cumulatively) to only become a subset of my life?"

source:http://www.spyculture.com/tom-secker-ripple-effect/

The answer is revealing and requires a discerning insight into our approach towards life. The fact is

that we are focusing on high-end subsistence, thereby diluting the actual aim of our existence which is to live with purpose. That purpose gets clear to us the moment we check the ripple effect that our individual life generates. If the ripple effect is missing, the purpose is missing and it's only a self-centered life we are living by catering to our own needs.

The real joy and satisfaction in our life appears when the ripple effect generated by our actions positively impacts others and bring joy in their lives too. The moment the realization dawns on us that there is a life beyond our "personal self", that is when we start giving a purpose and meaning to our life and our existence. The transition from "ME" to "WE" is when the transformation occurs in us.

We don't really need a long checklist to identify whether we are living a "subset of life". The following pointers would act as a good reference

• Do we have a bigger Purpose identified for our life beyond the high-end subsistence?

• Whether all our actions and goals align with out purpose and mission

• At night, when we retire for the day, do we sleep with satisfaction with a feeling that we spent our day well and contributed our best for a larger cause than just fulfilling our own desires and needs

• At dawn, when we wake up, do we feel a surge of energy and excitement to live the day     

Let's make our existence count and move beyond mere subsistence. Let's create a Super Life by bringing Purpose and Mission in our existence !