It's Time To Own Your Feelings!

SAD...GLAD...MAD...BAD...

At a fundamental level, that's how our feeling oscillates during the day. Feelings are fleeting by nature and we can't hold onto any one of them beyond how long they have to last. And how long they last are a combination of external and internal factors. But to a good extent, we can always control the longevity of an emotion/ feeling.

  

Emotions/ Feelings keep occurring in different shades and all that they need to get triggered is a stimulus (internal or external). The stimulus could be big or small, real or imaginary, internal or external. And that's what makes the world of emotions so complicated!

There is a dire need to understand how emotions/ feelings operate at a basic level so that we can be in control of our actions(mental or physical) while addressing the emotions. Being aware of our emotional state is how the entire process of emotional well-being starts. 

Talking about emotions/ feelings in a personal context, here's a small check to gauge the level of our awareness about our emotional state.

Here are the three important pointers:

We experience them all but do we actually feel them? 

we know there's something happening within us, at a physiological or psychological level but do we take the effort to recognize that and understand what's happening inside us. It makes sense to move beyond the level of awareness and into level of recognizing the impact of these emotions/ feelings.

Do we own them and accept them as part of our being or we treat them as something external/ outside?

For reasons known and unknown, at times, we tend to pass on the responsibility of our emotions/ feelings to external factors. Alienating ourselves from our feelings is not going to alleviate them. Rather it will only make the things worse. No one can force us to feel a particular way unless we give ourselves the permission for the same. 

Do we treat them as lasting or transitory?

Research says that most emotions last for only 90 seconds and beyond that its us who let these linger on for as long as we allow them to (through some stimuli or triggers). If we can manage to recognize an  unproductive feeling within 90 seconds of its occurrence, we stand a better chance to avoid its negative impact on us.

A quick self-check on the pointers mentioned above gives a good insight into our perception of emotions/ feelings and this goes a long way in determining the state/ status of our Emotional Wellness. The moment we start to accept our feelings is when we start to treat them as integral to us, something that's an undeniable part of our personality. Once acceptance is in place, the next stage of "addressing the emotions" becomes much easier.

So, first things first - "Have you started to own your feelings?"

Series on Emotional Wellness - Five DON'TS of "Feelings"

Feelings are a tricky lot and unless addressed appropriately, they can play real havoc with our overall wellness. Feelings evoke a range of responses in us and most of the time, our ability to nail the feelings effectively hinges on understanding of our current emotional zone. The first step towards sound emotional health is knowing where we are stuck in our journey of emotional wellness and then preparing ourselves to take that leap towards experiencing our feelings in fullness. I share about five such emotional zones that we may find ourselves in, and the sooner we move out of them, the faster would be our journey towards Emotional Wellness.

In this post, I present these "emotional zones" as "Five Don'ts Of Feelings" 

DISMISS -This is where the tendency is to shun/ rule out the very existence of "Feelings". Citing a variety of reasons, some people don't believe in or relate to the concept of feelings and end up lost and confused when feelings hit them hard some day. It's an irony that the modern work culture of "busyness" professes the necessity for good emotional health but rarely encourages us to adopt it as an integral part of our lifestyle. Thinking that feelings do not exist cannot deny the fact that they are integral part of our personality and manifest as natural responses to external stimulus/ trigger so dismissing them is not a possibility ever.  

DREAD - I came across the term "feelings phobia" and that got me thinking about how so many of us tend to fear the very existence of "feelings". Some of us dread it so much that we let this phobia trigger in us a range of unproductive feelings and then end up surrendering to them (unproductive feelings). As it is said that we give more power to the thing when we fear it and same goes for feeling too. The more scared we would be about the existence/ presence of feelings, the more vulnerable we would become to triggers (events, circumstances, situation and people) that may trigger unproductive feelings. 

DISCOUNT - We do ourselves great harm if we do not accept the "feelings" in its full magnitude. Different feelings manifest in us to varying degrees (based on a variety of factors) and experiencing the feelings in their full intensity is the only way to maintain our emotional health. Imagine, what will happen inside us if we notice that a feeling is manifesting inside us at a score of 8 or 9 (on a scale of 10) but we address it or respond to it by putting it at a score of 4 or 5. It's anyone's guess that in such a situation and with that type of response by us, our body will never be able to completely relax and will always be in a tense and tight state.   

DUMP - This is a convenient approach where we cease to take responsibility for our feelings and resort to "buck passing". The objective here is to simply vent out our reactions/ overreactions onto  easier targets and put the blame for our unproductive feelings on some other person or the circumstance. In the long term, this tendency leads to never taking responsibility for anything in our life and ultimately losing grip on it. For every happening (primarily the not-so good types) in our lives, we have scapegoats in place to put the blame on. This may lead us to relinquish self-responsibility in favour of acquiring a "victim mentality" trait. So, let's watch out whenever we find ourselves blaming external people and circumstances for things happening in our lives. 

DELAY - Avoiding to experience feelings for a later time does more harm than good. We may think that the unproductive feeling will subside if not catered to for some time, but it does not happen that way. To prevent ourselves from falling prey to this tendency, we just need to ask ourselves - "Can postponing something important benefit us and leave us more balanced or productive ?" . The resounding NO from within (inner voice) would be a reminder good enough to prompt us to avoid postponing the "experiencing of the feelings" lest they might grow in magnitude and grow out of proportion for us to handle them. 

So, to sum up 

• Do Not Dismiss (Rule Out) Your Feelings
• Do Not Dread (Fear) Your Feelings
• Do Not Discount (Bring down the Intensity) of Your Feelings
• Do Not Dump Your Feeling on Others (People and/ or Circumstances)
• Do Not Delay (Postpone) Your Feelings

So, if you find yourself in any of the above emotional zones, the immediate step should be to let yourself experience the "feelings" fully ! 

Announcing Blog Series on Emotional Wellness

Many a times, when we talk about Holistic Wellness, there's a component that's not paid much attention to because of its subtlety. This component is the foundation of a healthy life, which goes much beyond the visible component of Physical wellness. This "ignored" component is of Emotional Wellness.

Haven't we all, at some point or the other struggled in our personal and/ or professional lives, because of an inability to express ourselves or express ourselves appropriately ? This inability may have its roots in some ingrained fear/ phobia or lack of acceptance/ acknowledgement about the need to express ourselves. The repercussions of this "inability" is so serious that it could render us confused and messed up in our lives, where we may struggle with relationships, both with self and others, and end up being a failure in life.

When i was growing up, we were never taught about the importance of Emotions in our life, neither at home not at school. I don't blame it on either because that's how our society has dealt with the most delicate but the most important element of our personality i.e. Emotions. It was only when i experienced situations and scenarios in life, where i felt at total loss in expressing myself that i realised the importance of Emotional Wellness. I learned it the hard way repressed or inappropriately  expressed emotions are equally dangerous and both need to be addressed. But here i am now, much more now aware about what it takes for reaching Emotional Wellness and all set to share about the topic in my upcoming blog series on "Emotional Wellness".

The learnings and knowledge i have gathered through my personal experiences (both directly or vicariously) , i bring to the readers in an easy-to-digest posts. I would cover the following in my posts on the topic

• Basics of Emotions & Feelings
• Fundamentals of Emotional Wellness
• Importance and Impact of Emotional Wellness on various areas of our life
• Key Models/ Theories on Emotions/ Emotional Wellness/ Emotional Intelligence
• Strategies, Techniques and Methods to achieve Emotional Wellness

So, gear up to join me on this exciting journey of becoming Emotionally Healthy and living a well-balanced life :) ! 

The Complicated World of Emotions !

In this article I am using few key learnings from the movie “Inside Out” to share about the complicated world of Emotions.

The world of emotions is very delicate but quite complicated. It can capsize our lives if not catered to appropriately at its different stages through sufficient awareness and proper management. All said and done, there’s no escape from emotions – we would have to undergo them (at any cost) as they occur (and they occur all the time) and the best we can do is to gather an understanding of how they work inside us. This understanding would help us act in accordance with the productive/ constructive outcomes that we may envisage or hope for in these emotional  turbulence.

The movie “Inside Out” is an excellent depiction of how emotions work in us. From the plenty of learnings that I derived from the movie, I am sharing here few of those key learnings

·    Negative Emotions create a dominoes effect if fostered. One negative emotion sets in motion a multitude of similar ones and gives rise to a whole bunch of negative emotions ready to take control of our mind and body. This results in breaking of all the castles (family, friends, relationships, etc.) that we hold dear in our life. To save us from the emotional disturbance that may occur and leave us mentally and physically crippled (inactive), we need to rein-in the horses of negative emotions by not feeding  them with more or allowing them to grow in magnitude so that they do not set in a chain reaction which will be harmful for us.  The mantra for diminishing Negative Emotions is “Make it as small as possible”.

·   Positive Emotions breed slow initially when we have been hit by a spate of negative emotions but once positive emotions set in we need to reinforce them regularly with more supplementary and complementary pieces/ portions. These emotions need to be sustained with daily doses of positivity (thoughts and actions) whether big or small to avoid negative emotions taking control over us.  The best way to break the  shackles of negative emotions is through a  lockpin of strong positive mind-body combination. The mantra for Positive Emotions is “Make it as big as possible” because accentuating the positive help build strong defense mechanism against negative emotions

· Communication with others at an Emotional Level – Every human is an embodiment of emotions that we undergo regularly. So, the best form of communication is to connect with other at an emotional level.  Getting adept at understanding emotions helps us gauge the emotional state of the other person in that particular situation/ circumstance  and provide us with an opportunity to make the interaction positive, constructive and productive.

Let‘s be emotionally healthy through better awareness of their impact on us so that emotions do not act as a deterrent towards our living a happy and satisfied life !