Feelings are a tricky lot and unless addressed appropriately, they can play real havoc with our overall wellness. Feelings evoke a range of responses in us and most of the time, our ability to nail the feelings effectively hinges on understanding of our current emotional zone. The first step towards sound emotional health is knowing where we are stuck in our journey of emotional wellness and then preparing ourselves to take that leap towards experiencing our feelings in fullness. I share about five such emotional zones that we may find ourselves in, and the sooner we move out of them, the faster would be our journey towards Emotional Wellness.
In this post, I present these "emotional zones" as "Five Don'ts Of Feelings"
DISMISS -This is where the tendency is to shun/ rule out the very existence of "Feelings". Citing a variety of reasons, some people don't believe in or relate to the concept of feelings and end up lost and confused when feelings hit them hard some day. It's an irony that the modern work culture of "busyness" professes the necessity for good emotional health but rarely encourages us to adopt it as an integral part of our lifestyle. Thinking that feelings do not exist cannot deny the fact that they are integral part of our personality and manifest as natural responses to external stimulus/ trigger so dismissing them is not a possibility ever.
DREAD - I came across the term "feelings phobia" and that got me thinking about how so many of us tend to fear the very existence of "feelings". Some of us dread it so much that we let this phobia trigger in us a range of unproductive feelings and then end up surrendering to them (unproductive feelings). As it is said that we give more power to the thing when we fear it and same goes for feeling too. The more scared we would be about the existence/ presence of feelings, the more vulnerable we would become to triggers (events, circumstances, situation and people) that may trigger unproductive feelings.
DISCOUNT - We do ourselves great harm if we do not accept the "feelings" in its full magnitude. Different feelings manifest in us to varying degrees (based on a variety of factors) and experiencing the feelings in their full intensity is the only way to maintain our emotional health. Imagine, what will happen inside us if we notice that a feeling is manifesting inside us at a score of 8 or 9 (on a scale of 10) but we address it or respond to it by putting it at a score of 4 or 5. It's anyone's guess that in such a situation and with that type of response by us, our body will never be able to completely relax and will always be in a tense and tight state.
DUMP - This is a convenient approach where we cease to take responsibility for our feelings and resort to "buck passing". The objective here is to simply vent out our reactions/ overreactions onto easier targets and put the blame for our unproductive feelings on some other person or the circumstance. In the long term, this tendency leads to never taking responsibility for anything in our life and ultimately losing grip on it. For every happening (primarily the not-so good types) in our lives, we have scapegoats in place to put the blame on. This may lead us to relinquish self-responsibility in favour of acquiring a "victim mentality" trait. So, let's watch out whenever we find ourselves blaming external people and circumstances for things happening in our lives.
DELAY - Avoiding to experience feelings for a later time does more harm than good. We may think that the unproductive feeling will subside if not catered to for some time, but it does not happen that way. To prevent ourselves from falling prey to this tendency, we just need to ask ourselves - "Can postponing something important benefit us and leave us more balanced or productive ?" . The resounding NO from within (inner voice) would be a reminder good enough to prompt us to avoid postponing the "experiencing of the feelings" lest they might grow in magnitude and grow out of proportion for us to handle them.
So, to sum up
- Do Not Dismiss (Rule Out) Your Feelings
- Do Not Dread (Fear) Your Feelings
- Do Not Discount (Bring down the Intensity) of Your Feelings
- Do Not Dump Your Feeling on Others (People and/ or Circumstances)
- Do Not Delay (Postpone) Your Feelings
So, if you find yourself in any of the above emotional zones, the immediate step should be to let yourself experience the "feelings" fully !
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