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Monday, 27 April 2020

Make Self-Care A Priority


Have we felt as strongly for Self-Care as we feel now ?

Maybe NO, because the present times are drastically different from any other and the crisis of this magnitude is a "first" for many of us. Till now, we could afford to ignore the need for self-care, even with a lame excuse and get away with it. But now is the time to give due importance to self-care and put it on priority else coping with the situation will become impossible for us. Ignoring self-care will only leave us more vulnerable and lead to anxiety, depression, and various other debilitating emotions/ feelings.

The turn of events during these unpredictable times may leave us overwhelmed and lead to losing focus on "self" but a quick reminder to ourselves that self-care is the only way to beat the blues could set us up to put self-care back on our radar and get going.

It's very important to understand that self-care is a comprehensive and holistic approach to wellness and includes physical, mental and emotional aspects of our personality.

The trick to effective self-care lies in making it an integral part of our lifestyle and mentioned below are few tips that could help us achieve the same.


Keep Things Simple

At times like these (crisis), the intention should be to avoid complicating the things so that they don't overwhelm us. The more manageable things are for us, the more we are in control of ourselves. We can always keep things simple by
  • living in the present because that's where it's all happening. moving beyond the present, into the times which hasn't arrived brings undue stress. all the action happens in the present and that's why it's important to stay there, in the present.
  • taking things as they unfold - pre-empting things doesn't work out in these situations where uncertainty and unpredictability rule the roost. being patient is the key, so wait and watch how things shape up and then prepare ourselves accordingly. acting in haste is a complete waste in this scenario.
  • focusing on what we can control, even if it's a tiny thing/ task/ action - it's good to have an opinion but being obsessed with it (opinion) if we can't change the facts is waste of energy. there are always going to be things falling outside our scope of control so it makes more sense to expend our energy and effort on things under our control and it could be the crucial task of managing our reaction to a bad/ unfavourable event. 
  • attempting one thing at a time - multitasking is a myth but at times like these when we feel overwhelmed, we attempt to do too many things at the same time. this results in us losing focus and patience and we end up with multiple incomplete tasks. the best approach to avoid undue stress and pressure at this time is to prioritise things and do them one at a time. 

Go Easy On Self

It's natural human reaction to try our best to address the challenges effectively and at the earliest to avoid any major damage to self. But in our attempt to do so, we, knowingly or unknowingly, put ourselves under extreme pressure to do the right things and to do it in time. These self-imposed deadlines/ timelines could result in a biased mindset and we may end up being irrational in our decision-making. Remember, self-care is about being kind to our self, so let's try and be our best ally. Few ways that could help us go easy on ourself are
  • stopping judging ourself - with plenty of negative influences around us, we may get into the habit of labeling ourselves. playing neutral ensures we stay sane and in control of things
  • avoiding overthinking - The 2 most harmful thinking errors that we may get prone to during crisis are 1) playing victim, where we may start assuming to have been singled out to suffer, and 2) catastrophizing, where we tend to magnify the situation and get obsessed with the worst possibility.
  • limiting media exposure - during times of crisis, media is bound to be filled with more news and stories about loss, despair and sadness. It's wise to avoid too much exposure to media of any form (electronic news media or social media). limiting our media exposure to gaining update on the situation and on watching news/  stories about hope and courage will be helpful. consuming only that content which keeps your spirits up is the best use of our time spent on media.
  • dropping all expectations - when times are unsure, there's no point in building expectations of any sort from anyone, neither from self nor from others. the only expectation that may come true is the dawn of a new order and we can never be prepared in advance to build anticipation for this unknown and unseen entity. there's merit in having zero expectations and living more realistically. 

Seek Progress

It's very important that when we encounter any calamity in life, we try to maintain the forward momentum. Life is all about moving ahead, even if that happens by way of small, tiny steps. It may happen that life may come to a complete standstill and may not offer us any hope for future but if we proceed with an intent to keep moving ahead in some way, we will keep progressing. Here are few ways we can seek progress even during tough times
  • looking for possibilities - among the plethora of problems that may come our way during crisis, keeping an eye for the silver lining or the bright spot is the only way to stay positive. "what is it that is still a possibility" could become the new mantra for us.
  • identifying opportunities - the paradigm shift that occurs may close many previous doors but surely opens up many new ones. all that we need to do is to move out of our comfort zone and look around with fresh perspective.
  • watching our self talk - words have great power and during times of difficulty, we rely a lot on our inner voice. ensure that what we tell ourselves uplifts us and gives us strength and hope. be watchful about the conversation with self as the self-talk has a direct impact on our self-esteem.
  • doing what gives us strength - Vulnerability is at its peak during this time of uncertainty and the best we can do for ourselves is to pick up an activity/ hobby/ passion that makes us calm and provide us with strength to deal with the difficult times with ease.

Self-Care isn't just about being good to ourselves but also about being a contributor of optimism and hope for others too, especially when everyone needs them (optimism and hope) in abundance !

Wednesday, 15 April 2020

Series on Emotional Wellness - Avoiding Thinking Traps


There are times when certain events or incidents in our lives results in a downward spiral for us and makes it difficult for us to come out of it. Finding ourselves in a rut, we struggle hard to be positive and productive. When we brood over to find the reason for the debacle, we can easily conclude that it was merely a negative thought that triggered this domino effect (negative) and adversely impacted us, in terms of feelings and behaviour. Considering the fact that we get a large number of thoughts in a day (if experts are to be believed, we get over 50,000 thoughts in a day), it's easy to fall prey to negative thoughts and lose ourselves in gloom and doom.

Breaking this "thinking trap(negative)" is crucial for our healthy and productive existence because of the established connection between Thoughts, Feelings and Behaviour (Actions). A negative thought has the potential to impact us emotionally, so, the sooner we become aware of these damaging thinking patterns of ours, the healthier we will be emotionally and holistically.

Among the many thinking errors that we commit, i have handpicked few important ones that hugely impact us during crisis, because crisis is a time when we become quite tentative in our approach toward events and situations. Recognizing these thinking errors that are listed below will lead us to become more rational in our outlook and approach to life and events.

The five such thinking errors are :
  • Overgeneralization : This happens when we arrive at a conclusion based on a single occurrence of something. We start perceiving that things will go in a particular way/ direction because it has gone so once. We tend to lack any rationality during overgeneralization. The moment we start inferring from a specific evidence is when we start falling prey to overgeneralization and this happens more during crisis because of the strong influence of negativity around us. Example - Failing in an exam, interview or a venture, once or twice leads us to doubt our capability and we start to engage in thoughts laden with "always" and "never". Thoughts like "I am always making a mess of things" are indicative of overgeneralization.
  • Mental Filter : For whatever reasons, when we start to observe/ notice something specific and dismiss everything else is when we fall trap to the thinking error known as mental filter. When we operate with a distorted framework of life, fraught with bias, we may only allow negative information to reach out to us. It may also result in us magnifying such information to suit us and that may prove to be very detrimental for thinking rationally. Example - Taking the same context of a venture, exam or an interview, when we focus only on what we couldn't manage to do instead of what we could is when we start to perceive things through a negative lens.
  • Catastrophizing : When we find ourselves engaged in "worst-case scenario" thinking and imagine  about how worse things/ situation could get. we fall prey to catastrophizing. What's wrong about this type of thinking is that we completely ignore the status quo, which may happen to be good or not-so-bad, and keep our thoughts focused on the worsening of the situation. Example - A fight with a friend or disagreement with boss may result in thoughts as "I will lose my job" or "I can never develop a trustworthy friendship". 
  • Polarised Thinking : When we find ourselves thinking in extremes about people, situations and events, we suffer from polarised thinking. It's like "Black & White" or "All or Nothing" thinking, with no middle ground, such as "good or bad", "right or wrong", "positive or negative", and so on. This type of thinking may push us into other thinking traps as well. Example - Thoughts like "None of us will survive this crisis" or "I have to get this right else it's no use at all" are indicative of Polarised thinking.
  • Emotional Reasoning : This is all about believing that what we feel must be true. The feelings we undergo at any point of time is how we perceive the things to be. For example, in case we feel anxious, we think that anxiety is what everyone else would also be undergoing. Example - During a crisis or difficult times, we tend to get overwhelmed and thoughts like "Since I am feeling anxious, the situation must be anxiety ridden".     
These thinking errors inflict more damage during time of crisis, when uncertainty and fear grips us and we struggle for hope and optimism. One of the key reason we fall to these thinking errors is our brain's disposition towards finding shortcuts to help us during decision-making and problem solving. Factors like our belief system and life experiences also contribute to us committing these thinking errors (topic for an altogether different blog post). 


What's more important during this time when we recognise ourselves fallen to the thinking trap is to ensure taking appropriate steps to address these thinking traps. Few steps that could help
  • Accepting the thinking error in us
  • Validating it with sufficient evidence 
  • Identifying the source of the thinking error being committed  by us
  • Detaching our personal opinion from the ensuing thoughts triggered by an event/ situation
  • Building multiple perspective to the situation/event 
  • Building more rationality in our thought process  
Watch your thoughts before they get better of you !

N.B. :
  • The images used in the above post have been sourced from the internet